pressure building ...

i have got to let all of this go. its creating this pressure inside of my chest. i feel like this .. this is holding me down. the people i thought i would have forever - nothing lasts forever, right? i don’t know how to hold on any longer.

i can’t hold on to you anymore. you weigh me down until i can't breathe. and i can't speak my thoughts in fear you might feel hurt. when in reality, i feel hurt. i don’t need you at this point in my life (no, what i mean is that, i can do without you if that’s what you need. because that's what is important, of course.) you’ve proven that. in the past year, i have watched your downward spiral and your appearances dwindle in my life because you are just too god damn busy with your own. and i feel like i need to cut my loses. nothing good can come from this. not with the way things are right now. walk away from you once again.

all of this .. this has been a steady, but painful build-up. and now that i am far enough away to see things for what they really are, you look different. you’ve already let me go. for now anyway.

and what i am doing is finding out who will stay and who will walk away when things are rough. because i need to know who will be there to catch me when i, inevitably, fall.

we are not done becoming who we will become.

this is a new adventure. and i know it will lead me right back to you.