so close to something

the end of eighteen came so fast. nineteen. i feel like i have collided with it .. and crumbled against it.

i know you would be there either way / i'm so glad it seems like these times will never fade.

half of my first year in college is over and something about this place is less of a prison and more of an escape (,what was i so scared of?).

it's strange to know that this year just collapsed and was rebuilt again in a matter of seconds. for a change to do it all over again.

this is the end of you, and the beginning of me.

the year was not so wonderful. this past year saw my slow slide to insanity. to a broken and mended heart. to inconsistent ups and downs. to immeasurable happiness. to an internal bleeding of loneliness. to constant sickness, a return to life, and then a quick & painful fall to the floor.

its a distinct feeling. that i am needing something better. longing for something more and i know that i am missing something. but i know i will find it. (my goal for nineteen is positive.) i am well on my way to where i belong.

i'm longing for love and the logical / but he's only happy hysterical / i'm waiting for some kind of miracle / waiting so long.


however long it takes ... i'll meet you in heaven.