stay

i’m home now for winter break. (until january 16th). and i got my hair cut. and i absolutely hate it. and i am determined to wear my hair up until it grows out and looks better.

things have been eating away at my skin lately. and i can’t talk to anyone about these things because i don’t want to hurt them anymore than i have already. (does that makes sense?) the problem is that we all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about each other. there’s too few words exchanged, too many assumptions made, and too much time for the games people want to play.

bittersweet. bullet. minus the sweet. i guess it was all revealed in time. but not in time to spare me of the heartache. i should have known.

come on, the sun will rise another time. the colors blind your virgin eyes. i'm so inclined to make you mine. you're out of line and out of time.

and earlier, he walked in and semi-laid down next to me. he smiled and i could smell the alcohol seeping through him into the air. and at that point i wanted to tell him how i keep thinking saving myself is a good idea and how i keep trying to build up the self-control. i wanted to tell him how i wanted to control my heart from falling so hard. i want to tell him how it feels like a knife through my soul. i wanted to tell him that i don’t have any problems he doesn’t have. i wanted to tell him a lot of things because in that one moment, we were the same person. (i’m just not pumped with alcohol that wears away your insecurities. i’m just not pumped with ambition that teaches you that you are perfect just the way are you.) i wanted to tell him everything, but the smile creeping across his lips prevented me from pouring my heart out.

beneath this wave, i just can't take your breath away. you cut me down. you know i'll always be around.