three

i'm not afraid of anything. i just need to know that i can breathe. i don't need much of anything. but suddenly, suddenly ... i am small and the world is big. all around me is fast moving. surrounded by so many things.

for so long it hasn’t bothered me, and for a long time after this, it won’t. but today... it's hard to explain. the moments in between are something else. the moments in between leave me feeling extra sensitive and ... (disqusted). and i just can’t understand why everything looks the same to me, but it feels like everything has changed ...

would you comfort me. and would you cry with me.

because ultimately, i still feel like i could have done something ... anything. and i can't count on anyone to understand why i feel like this today. (you don't know me now,i kind of thought that you should by now.)

is it wrong that i just want the world to disappear? every word feels like a knife to the heart ... but i was so numb to any touch at all. (i faked it so well, didn't i?)

and god ... it was so hard without you here to hold me steady. i don't know how i made it through the day so far. these moments that feel like hours. i hope you know. i wish you were here ...

three years