i'll be the one to let you know when you've come undone

with the new year on its way, i feel anxious and agitated. i'm looking for a cause. cause and effect. reason. i need logic. it's like my mind has completely clocked out and left my body as a casualty of some greater mental war. except you. you bring out the best in me. you bring out the worst in me. i didn't think that was possible. i'm finding that with you, i'm more myself than i have ever been. i'm finding that with you, i'm more insecure than ever.

the dawn is breaking, a light shining through. you're barely waking and i'm tangled up in you. i'm open, you're closed. where i follow, you'll go. i worry i won't see your face light up again.

in the past few months, i have been more attached to you than ever. i wanted to sail away with you. you, the boy who keeps my heart anchored to his body. but i'm finding things are changing. you don't get me as much as you used to. i'm not understanding you the way i used to. and you don't see it, i know. i know you feel as if things are perfect just the way they are. you feel as if its okay to leave me hanging in thin air for days at a time. but i'm changing. between the age of 15 and 19, did i expect myself not to change ... i don’t know, i need to change more. i need to grow up. i need to stop this emotional (you break me with every word) phase. and i hope the person i become is, in a way, the same person you've always known. we need to change.

i'm quiet you know, you make a first impression. i've found i'm scared to know that i'm always on your mind.

i'm thinking about all the people i've lost and gained during the past twelve months and i weigh up whether i'm on a surplus, or a deficit. this year, i'm ending up feeling more alone than ever. i feel all the people i love are scattered across the state and i'm right back where i started.

even the best fall down sometimes. even the wrong words seem to rhyme. out of the doubt that fills my mind, i somehow find you and i collide.

everything's okay. i have faith. in myself and the people i surround myself with. i need a heart-to-heart. i need a one-on-one. i need a direct-connection-to-your-soul.

even the best fall down sometimes. even the stars refuse to shine. out of the back you fall in time. i somehow find you and i collide.