destiny gets nervous

okay.
so. this update is for alyssa
because i promised
and because i haven't written and its february and thats a long time.

classes are ... not so bad

not so hectic

not so time-consuming

with the exception of one, that gives three big assignments every class

and i don't mind too much because its writing
but i just think its stupid to have us do an essay and two other assignments
in just a couple of days
(maybe it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have other work. i just don't understand how i'm expected to handle all of this. its only the third week and i feel buried down in work, hostility, & achiness. i feel stiff. like i need to move around. stretch out and i need my space. )

the job is alright
its not what i expected but i just need the confidence
the experience and conviction

being here now is so different from last semester and it shouldn't be
it makes me so irritated
that you are so selfish, so into yourself, and not always
but its okay i guess. it won't last long.
because you're nothing but a quick fix to an easy break.

my mind is easing back into it
back into the groove.

the one thing i really want to say is that
i'd be lying if i said i don't miss him - but not longer than a couple of minutes
when i think about it -
er - i miss the person he was before his downward spiral
well. she can keep the selfish, egotistical, hypocritical person he morphed into
i have the best memories of him from his past and that makes me happy.
the feeling doesn't last long. it fades away. it comes and goes. fast.
but i miss having someone to hug every day
i miss having someone there every day.

i miss alot of things that i didn't miss the first semester and that only seems fitting
spring is going to come and its the best season of the year
but the worst season for me

BUT i can't wait for march. february 25th. home.

march 5th. arizona.

sun. shorts. boy. sweet. holding hands. sunglasses. all night long conversations.
etc.etc.