what does it take to remind you.

if I could create my own little world, I would delete flu and cold season.

and I would also delete the phrase "But I have nothing to say" because really, how could you not have anything to say. whenever we fight. that's what you have. nothing to say. I always have something. something. something. words. feelings. fighting their way out of my heart. and out of my mouth. pulling me down and drowning me. like a drug being pumped out of my stomach. my insanity is the pump. and you always say that we only fight when I am tired and stressed out to the point of no return. and sometimes. you even imply and hit that I am a little bit on the crazy side. which fuels my fire. and then, when I am at my lowest point, you say you love me. like that is supposed to free me of what our issues really are. but maybe we only fight when I am tired and stressed out to the point of no return, because that is the time when I really can't fight back all of my reservations. the time when all the smoke in my brain dissolves and it's clear to me. and I know, if we could just put our cards on the table. ten minutes of pure honesty and I know all of my reservations would dissipate. and I know this, because I am fully aware that we have something real. it's just this. this communication. or lack there of.

I hate the flu and cold season. maybe that is all this really is. a cold. it will be out of my system soon.