the end of that chapter

this is somewhat a tribute to someone. the end of you and the beginning of me. i know i've said this before, but ... this is the only time i've meant it. and its important for me to say it now, before i let it break me.

it doesn't matter that you will never be someone to me again. and it doesn't matter that you'd probably erase me if you could. because i will never look at you directly again. i will never try to know you again. i've got to come up sometime soon. this dirty air is suffocating me. my hands are limp. my body is a zombie. and i've been hiding under blankets lately. this has got stop.

- wanna feel the warm breeze - sleep under a palm tree - feel the rush of the ocean - get onboard afast train - travel on a jet plane, far away (i will) - and break away. -

you were what i needed, at the time. in a split second, you were a dream ... but i was just your quick fix to an old and rusted break. and i knew i'd have to wake up eventually. spinning in the dawnin darkness. tired eyes. tired smile. listening to old music and maybe everything will turn out okay. i'll be okay. now that i am here, and not there, everything matters to me.

and the thing is, it never was about you. it was about letting myself grow up. it was about learning to be myself. you got twisted up inside of my realities. you came along for the ride and i let you off a long time ago.

its okay. you weren't really what i wanted or what i thought you were. you opened up the doors to my heart when they were closed tight. you are a huge part of who i have become and for that, i owe you.

- i can't wait - try to stay awake - dead inside - try to find a home - you're right - i can never lie - let me go. -

i can't say that i hope you are happy right now. you deserve better. you have morphed into a person that i can't recognize ... but i believe you're still a good person.

all the good you had done for me, you wrecked me in the process. you opened my heart .. only to break it. i know this cycle all too well. but for my own sake, i hope it has ended.

(don't worry, my heart will cave before you know it.)