coming over but it never was enough

tonight i am typing
and not editing
and not going back
and making things sound better
or changing parts that sound stupid
i'm sick of playing games.

let me first say that taking a "trip down memory lane"
is never what you want it to be
[drop everything, start it all over. remember more then you'd like to forget.]
some thing just don't look the way they used to
and some things ... aren't there at all.

and i'm realizing that i'm drawn to certain boys
sensitive ones
who pretend they're exactly not what they are.
i always come back to the old ones
and i somehow thrive off those "unbreakable" bonds with new ones
(does anyone else do that?)
i am fascinated with conversations of love and sex and pain and society
i can't help that i am almost hopeless with emotions.

[ and all i need to know is that i'm something you'll be missing ... ]

i was upset that he had nothing to say about my email
it took alot of strength on my part
and he didn't notice any of the actually significant parts of what i was saying
but i'm tired of trying
and i've realized that ... that is him and i love him anyway
he's never going to want the deep conversations
or the bigger meanings
and thats going to have to be okay.

you're you and i'm me
period.