remind me what side you should be on

ten more days. home - bound and free. i am going to change everything. i will be different.

last night, i couldn't fall asleep. my body was aching and my mind was racing. i thought about how restless he seems ... about how restless i am. and how i have been feeling so angry lately that he doesn't notice that i could punch my fist through a door or a window. maybe a window. glass is more expensive but at least the shattered pieces would litter the floor.

even though i don't have the right to be angry. because there is always some sort of excuse or circumstance to hide behind. the thing is , i keep hoping for forgivness because i know it must have been something i did wrong. if only real life were a fairy-tale and i'd have my white horse and prince. ha. if only.

end-of-semester news : hudson valley will only take 11 of my 19 credits. so. this leaves me somewhat unmotivated for one of my finals this semester knowing it doesn't really matter. but. i am ready for hudson valley next year. i feel almost motivated for the classes i have looked into and i think that can only increase. i keep thinking that a new environment is all i need. a change in scenery. a change in people. well. thats not good enough. (wasn't that what i just did here at cortland?) i need something else. well no. its the "me" that has to change. i will be different.

other news : apparently katie is almost moved into the most recent place of living.:) but i am still waiting for more updated details. but i am very happy that i will get to hang out with her all summer and all year.

i need an adventure. the end.